It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
