This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
where does the pee come out of this thing
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
