umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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