Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
