Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
