It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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