Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
