is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
