Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
