..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
