Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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