People in love make me want to vomit
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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