We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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