wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
