His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
