I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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