You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
