After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
