she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
