Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
