A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
