Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
