The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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