Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
there is glitter all over my balls
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
