We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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