can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
