Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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