imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
