I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
