uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
