You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
