So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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