K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
