my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I FOUND THE LEGS
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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