My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
please come you make the beer taste better
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Too much gin, very little bucket
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
