At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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