I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Randomize
