I think I am morally bankrupt
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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