a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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