Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
