im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
