I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
