You're my little dorito
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
