New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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