Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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