TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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