Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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