her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
