I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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