Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I love you. Go after that dick
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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