my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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