Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
