I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
