I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
