I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
