there's paper in my vomit.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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