I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
