Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
