i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
