so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize