VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
