i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
