My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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