Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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