Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
