I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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