Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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