shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
