I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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