so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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