i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
