I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
