Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
