White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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