Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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