Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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