The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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