I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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