I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
