I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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