Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
