i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well I just put wine in my tea
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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