It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
