I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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