Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
