I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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