Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
