yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
