I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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