Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
