turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
