please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
