I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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