Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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