So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
