What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
