a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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