don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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