I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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